I was debating all day what to write for this first of 50 posts in honor of the Easter season. I wracked my mind, listened to too many catholic podcasts in a row, and read from books of the Bible I didn't remember existed (Habakkuk? General rule: if it has three K's in it, not a great name). Perhaps to get a Joseph like prophetic dream on what to write I took a nap. It's more likely I was tired but either way, I woke up with nothing.
Then it struck me to just tell the truth of my procrastination. You see, aside from this webpage the other program I have open is a screenplay I am writing. I've been writing for a few years and hope one day to make a career writing movies and TV shows. But the biggest problem is I'm a terrible procrastinator and I find writing painful and slow. And hot, as in "this old broken laptop is heating up and burning my fingers hot". Ow. Appropriate in a way since my screenplay is about firefighters, which I know very little about. Much in the same way, this blog is about Catholic stuff which I also know little about.
Perhaps me choosing this two projects that I know little about is my way of allowing procrastination to grow. After all, I can hardly blame me for not writing this scene yet or that post since I have to research it. I'm unprepared, I need more time, I am not ready. I kind of feel that way towards Easter as well. I had 40 days to prep during Lent, 40 days that I didn't do that great of a job with it (and no, I didn't write all that much during those 40 days either). But ready or not, here it is: Easter, the script and the blog. All are happening right now.
My Lent was kinda like the first draft of a screenplay-- it was long, boring, didn't keep to any of the rules, and it wasn't a good story. But Easter is here. The story is rewritten. The ending we expect, the ending we all agree is "The end", death, is gone. Demolished. Defeated. Done. It is such a drastic change in the story that it could only be done by the greatest Author of all time, God in His Word Jesus. It is a re-creation of our human understanding of how the world works.
Since the very first moments of humanity we have known the inevitable that we will one day die. The whole an apple a day keeps the doctor away thing didn't work out well for Adam and Eve and ever since we all got with the program. Birth, a quick appetizer course called childhood, an entree of Life followed very shortly after by death. If you are healthy, maybe you'll have time for some dessert before you shuffle off the mortal coil (I don't recommend the apple cobbler). But Jesus has re-written the script and torn away the strictures of death and sin.
He rose from the dead! That is not just the greatest story ever told, it is a remaking of reality! It's a new existence entirely, one that in Christ, with the Holy Spirit, allows us to become God's children. It's an unfathomable resolution to the drama of our lives and really the only thing stopping us is ourselves.
Procrastination stems from pride as all things do. Why do I not write my script? Because I know that once I write it I will see I'm not good at this. And that fear of revelation can stop you from doing what you mean to, which prevents you from getting better at whatever you're procrastinating from. The same thing goes for our spiritual lives. We sin because to stop sinning, and to love God more fully would show us the horror of our actions and our selfishness. Christ's light shows us our own shadows.
But there is hope! He has conquered death and His light can cast out the shadows! We only need to turn to God! The resurrection is a page one rewrite of everything. God so loves us that He recreated the world and offered His Son to die for our sins. We do not deserve this love at all but He gives it in the truest form of love and sacrifice. This blog post won't make any sense but this is my first effort to stop procrastinating and to give my incomplete, incomprehensible, slobby self to God and say, "I'll take the first step. I will follow you"
And I know that this step was a stumble. This blog is confusing even to me and my script will be unreadable as I type it tonight. But there is hope, Jesus wants us by His side and if we step and fall a few million times in the right direction, at least we'll be closer to Him. If we procrastinate and look only interiorly at ourselves we'll never make it to Him.
Until tomorrow, in the words of Ven. Fulton Sheen
"God love you"
~one catholic guy~
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